Today on the playground I want to share the second piece of the 4 part The Patient Lens Series in Play For A Change called The Freedom Frog… This is one of the parts of major depression and anxiety that I think is hard for some people to imagine. I am not trying to be mean, and I am not a heartless person, most of the time I am not anti-social. However, there is a threshold for certain life elements that is very low for me right now, I can see that I am not being kind or caring, it’s like being able to see yourself from the outside…looking down at yourself and it is full of judgement… A good person would have…. Usually you would… A good mom, teacher, friend does this and the popper response is …this… But I am empty… and covering the emptiness is what gets me to this level of my illness… When you gift wrap your life so no one can see what’s under the wrapping its exhausting… And after doing that for many years of my life the gift wrap is made of Teflon and adorned with steel bows… but it pretty to look at :) But there is a point like in any chronic illness that you don’t have the energy to tie pretty bows and make the wrapping look right… It doesn’t have to be perfect, I am not perfect, but I am worthy of more than I expected and somewhere inside I actually feel that…and I will work on believing it… Lets continue the conversation… the story matters… the story build bridges… Share it, or hold it…but know you are not alone… we survive by finding an ounce of play and then adding it back slowly into our space.
My hope for the next few episodes is to open the conversation and connect to people living with mental illness and those who love, support, counsel, parent, care, teach, and know people … because some of you will never know, we become exceptional navigators of systems and places, and people we want to protect.
Many people who love and know me, will not have heard this side of the story…there are so many reasons that our mental health does not become dinner talk, or shared… people still worry that if people know they WILL see them and treat them differently, and less than.
My hope is that by telling the story, people will realise the incredible struggle met with incredible strength that it takes to share something that has been hidden in family closets, tucked away and not spoken of, laughed off at work, and is still hidden in more places than I can consider.
I will start this story with a spoiler… I found my strength and my drive to play in my darkest spaces. It took me a long time to realise where it was, but now I get to share how important it is to find the things that give you your play when you have nothing left.
I will continue to share my personal journey and insights on mental illness and creating more space for both self care and awareness,
What is vital to me is that people know their story matters, people matter, and the key to better mental health is to value that the journey has many different paths, lived by many different people. People you cant imagine, and people you can.
Our stories matter…
My next episode in the Patient Lens Bonus Series will look at how I climbed out from that dark place and back to my life, and the importance of building new foundations to support a different way of existing and living.
Find your play and remind yourself and others that finding it is a gift…
In the show notes I have included phone numbers and text lines that connect you to International mental health resources and crisis lines.
Resources in Canada
I'm in crisis
I need to talk to someone (if you are not in crisis)
Resources in the United States of America
I'm in crisis
I need to talk to someone (if you are not in crisis)
Resources outside Canada and the United States
Social Media Resources